Old School Horsemanship V’s New School Horsemanship

Old School Horsemanship If horse is too fat…… feed it less If horse is too skinny ………….. feed it more If horse looks good………. feed it the same If the saddle doesn’t fit….. try a different one If the saddle fits ……….. use it If horse is sick……. Ring the vet If horse is well…… leave it alone and don’t go looking for trouble If horse is too cold …….. add a rug If horse is too warm …….. take off a rug If the horse is sweating and warm…..…

The Story of Our Creation

The Story of Our Creation On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.…

Pre-Relationship Agreement

Pre-Relationship Agreement The party of the first part (herein referred to as she/her) being of sound mind and fairly good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as he/him). FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the first date or match up), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated. Further…

Parking Charge Terms and Conditions

Legally enforceable? Think twice before sending me a parking charge. Print off and display in your car. Terms and Conditions:  Parking charge means any charge or fine imposed by any private car park enforcement agency; either acting upon instruction of a client or in a private capacity. By sending me a parking charge or fine, are you are agreeing to be bound by these terms and conditions. and are also agreeing to pay me a fee of ninety nine pounds per letter(s) i send to you in relation to this…

An Idiot’s guide to Economics

The parlous state we are in suggests that even our leaders find economics difficult to understand, however I have found this layman’s guide very helpful – hope you do too. Socialism: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. Communism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk. Fascism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk. Nazism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and shoots you. Bureaucracy: You have 2 cows. The state takes both,…

A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant.

A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries – one for him, one for her, until each had an even number. Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with…

An elderly couple

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are “snowbirds” in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks him over, “Nope.” Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now??” Bessie looks up and…

Why OC won’t make a good Agony Aunt

Dear Open Caerleon, I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is…

Top 10 male and female rejection lines

Top 10 male and female rejection lines Top 10 female rejection lines: (translated!) What she says: I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘deliverance.’ What she says: There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don’t want to do my dad. What she says: I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on. What she says: My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don’t want you spending the…